Showers And Dragons
by VisualIDentificationZeta
Summary: SUMMARY: a short spoof for Season 1.


TITLE: Showers And Dragons

AUTHOR: VIDZ

SEASON: 1

PAIRING: Harm/Maria Elena Carmelita Moreno Gutierrez (whew, my fingers ache from typing all this!)

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show JAG are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. All other characters and plots belong to me.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: for byrhthelm who gave me inspiration for this pairing. In my AU Maria is of Mexican descent, but speaks English fluently (with an accent).

SUMMARY: a little spoof for Season 1.

* * *

"Harm?"

"Hm?" Harm turned from the recently closed door he'd been contemplating to the exotically accented soft voice coming from the other side of the room. The sight of the statesque brunette dressed only in an oversized thick terrycloth bathrobe made his eyebrows raise in query.

"Did I really feel a draft or was that just my imagination?" she smiled naughtily, sure she'd caught him in the act, but started to rethink that when she caught sight of Harm's instantly emerging wicked grin.

"We had a guest." Harm drawled, taking great pleasure in the dread on his temporary subletter's face "She regretted she had to leave because she had special plans that involved the shower and it's occupant."

Harm observed with satisfaction as Maria's eyes first widened, then her lovely bronzed features turned a little green.

No longer able to hold back his laughter, he broke out into loud guffaws "Gotcha! It was my boss who, shall we say, was quite surprised to find a woman in my shower. Since _she_ wanted to be the woman in my shower... Remember me telling you about her? The Dragonlady?"

Maria's eyes widened, then narrowed, but Harm was too busy laughing to see the warning sign.

"You! You..." she spluttered furious "For that you're not getting your seafood paella!"

That shut him up.

"Hey!" he protested, the thought of being deprived of his favourite dish quite not something he was willing to concede to without a fight "That paella is your payment for me putting you up for these three days!"

"I never said you're not getting a paella, just not the paella." she grinned back just as wickedly as he had before "You'll be getting a normal one instead."

"With meat?" Harm gasped horrified.

"With meat." she nodded, a satisfied grin on her lips.

"Sadist!" Harm accused, grumbling to himself.

Maria steeled herself against the sight, but still couldn't resist that pout and those sad eyes.

Stalking slowly over to him, well aware Harm had stopped sulking in favour of observing her suspiciously, she stopped only about a foot away. Smiling saucily up at him, her dark eyes twinkled.

"There _is_ a way for you to still get your meatless wonder..."

"Really?" Harm asked hesitantly, interested despite himself "How?"

"You replace that image of shower use with one that won't inflict me with aquaphobia." her meaning was clear.

The proposition certainly had merit and attraction, but..."But Keeter..."

"Jack and I have been over for a long time, remember?" Maria said calmly but firmly, looking without wavering straight into Harm's eyes so he could see the truth there.

"I don't want to be your boy in airport." Harm was beginning to ask himself why was he even resisting. He'd been attracted to her from the start and finally she was letting him know it was requited.

"You won't be." she assured him, closing the last distance and snaking her arms around his neck "There's no-one else."

"You sure?" Harm didn't know why he'd asked, feeling his body, mind and heart already giving in.

She ignored his question, since he knew she never lied, nor two-timed, in favour of murmuring against his lips "Harm?"

"Yes?" he whispered huskily, affected by the feel of her long, curvy body against his.

"Stop looking for excuses and kiss me."

Being the good officer that he was Harm obeyed.

THE END

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